Disruption

Apologies to those looking for the BoB post this week; life has been turned upside-down by the combination of an ambitious piece of work on the house and the impending visit of my mother-in-law for a couple of days.

My relationship with my mother-in-law is, if atypical in its source, somewhat typical in its effect: disruption, stress, and strain.  I say all of this, of course, in full awareness of the stereotypical mother-in-law/son-in-law dynamic, and knowing how it must sound to the outsider.  Suffice it to say that these visits seldom go as smoothly as they might. (She re-scheduled her flight to cut the first visit short; on her second visit, she managed to insult *all* of my wife’s friends at a party, and to accuse the host of being Satan; two years ago she drove past the house twice, both times within 3 miles, without even letting us know she was in town.  I won’t even begin on the personality clashes–primarily between her and my wife…)

What I will say about her is that for all of her good qualities, I categorize her firmly in the column of “Those People.”  The ones who put your teeth on edge; who make you cringe when they talk, and make you want to apologize to innocent bystanders on their behalf.  She’s not your exactly a right-wing nut; in fact, she’d probably class herself as a moderate liberal.  However, she seems to be getting more and more of her news lately from suspect sources–Fox and the like.  (Her last phone conversation sounded like a re-hashing of the latest Fox News talking points.)  I’m not certain what to attribute it to, and I’m about ready to stop trying.  There does come a time, after all, when you have to stop beating your head against the brick wall, cut your losses, and move on.

Anyway, this week’s scheduled post is being delayed to next week–assuming we all survive the experience intact.  Stay tuned!

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About leftwingsurvivalist

I'm a survivalist and prepper with a difference!
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One Response to Disruption

  1. Ann Dinapoli says:

    First off let me say I am sorry to hear of your in-law issues. Hah yes the Mother-in-Law. I am one of those. Twice over in my son’s case. Sad when it happens that way. It means your family misses out on a lot of good times. My own MIL was cantankerous until her last breath. Yet true to our family tradition, my son and his first wife continued to care for her in their own home for as long as they could.
    I try to be as good a mother-in-law as I can be. Mindfulness. My opinions are my own. My beliefs are my own. My thoughts are my own. Other members of my family have their own opinions, beliefs, and thoughts. not just sometime, but all the time. That is good. And because of this it is my responsiblity to treat others with the respect I would want afforded to me.
    I find it interesting that so many feel that because a person is “family” it gives them the right … The obligation even, to be abusive emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Abuse is abuse. Being polite kin does not mean you are obligated to codependent passivity. And yes, I have called out relatives at family functions. And I have been called on the carpet by other members of the family. Yes it is painful and controversial. It stirs up a mess of feelings. But after time. Eveyone is forced to learn how to manage the openness. Things settle in and everyone seems a bit more civil in the end.
    A simplistic example is where I used to get quite resentful when I was the only one cleaning up after large family dinners. I kept the anger in…to be polite. Finally I said something. The response I got took a bit of humble pie and time to digest. First, if the dishes were more important to me than hanging with family..that was my loss. That the dishes would get done eventually and what gave me, Comrade Dinapoli, the right to be the petty Commisair of Dishes? And if it was so important to do the dishes right after dinner, why was I not rewarding myself and finding joy in a job well done? What it really came down to was control and the need for recognition. I still do the dishes right after a large family meal, but the party now travels into the kitchen. Some help, some don’t. Some help in ways that drives me nuts and for the most part I leave these helpers to do their thing, as I take joy in their presence and ernest helping hands. Because of my new additude, dishes are my adventure now and not my burden.
    And when it comes to politics…well if politicial discussions don’t stir up a bit-o-rumble then the family is just too plain polite for their own good. The trick is..well with family members, politics is not win or lose and not right or wrong. Sometimes mucky. Sometimes ugly. Always a good way to practice the art of open mindedness and the trick of mutual respect. Oh yeah and throw in a whole lot of patience and diplomacy all round. It keeps the mind sharp and hones thinking on your feet.
    I figure that God (or what/whom ever) gave me only one life and only one family. I do my best to never squander either.
    That is how we survive with four generations under one roof.

    Just my five cents.
    Bless you and yours for you concern and inclusiveness with a difficult family elder.
    Chin up. I look forward to to the next BOB post.

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